I get this question a lot.
Most of the time it seems people aren’t really interested in your answer. It’s like they want you to say you’re doing fine, and that makes them feel fine, and that’s ultimately what they want: to not feel sadness.
If you give any hint that things are not fine, they run away. They change the subject. They don’t respond.
It happens all the time.
Nobody wants to feel the sadness. Really lean into the raw emotions. Nobody wants that. And nobody has to, except me.
I’m stuck here. I’m stuck in this hell. I’m the one without my significant other. I’m the one continuing my life as an Only Parent. This is my personal hell. Nobody wants to be around the flames.
When something tragic happens, people come out in flocks (if you’re lucky). They want to bring you food and hang out. And then, after a few weeks, they go back to their lives. They’re done feeling sad. They want to move on.
But you’re most likely still stuck. Still trying to figure out how to re-build your life. And nobody wants to witness how messy this process is. They want you to tell them you’re fine.
Teresa Shimogawa 