About

Hi, I’m Teresa.

67753_1487688224707_3832942_n

(me, circa 1985)

capture

Contact: houseofteresa123@gmail.com

Also found on Facebook and Twitter.

Who I am:

Storyteller, fledgling existentialist, feminist, Pain Curator.

Grief hijacked my life when my husband unexpectedly passed away in April 2016 and left me a 30-something widow with three young children.

It is not something I want to be ultimately known for. I’d rather you remember that I’m a person who doesn’t give up, and that I’m on a mission to live well.

IMG_20151122_202836

Vegas, November 2015.

I have three children, ages 7, 4, and 2. My husband and I planned each one of them down to the day. Needless to say, becoming a single mother wasn’t in the plans. I’m learning to adjust to the tediousness of doing all of this on my own.

I started this blog a few years before my husband died, and before becoming a widow, I wrote this in my profile: Motherhood is my most important job, but it isn’t my only purpose and it doesn’t entirely define me. I fight to be my own person and to resist the societal label of MOM that is automatically attached to a woman who has a family. We are more than that. We have careers, hobbies, ambition. A man doesn’t sacrifice his identity as an accountant or lawyer or golfer or painter or whatever. Why do we pigeonhole women into one slot as “a mom”?

jbp_5816-1

Our first family picture as a party of 4. The teddy bears were made with my husband’s clothes. 

Now as a widow, I can attest to the importance of my long-held feminist beliefs. I know it might sound strange to focus on feminism in the experience of losing your husband, but if I didn’t know who I was as a woman, if I only knew myself as a wife and a mother, I would be in much worse shape right now. I would be completely lost. Independence is a woman’s greatest power.

trip 2

Montmartre, Paris 2014, with #1 and #2

13339494_10154134933271063_8869297405783713386_n

Freiburg, Germany. June 2016. 

img_20160213_170641

Last family trip. Playa del Carmen, February 2016

dsc_1421

August 2015

img_20160416_192227

Legoland, April 2016. A few weeks before Kenneth died.

I write about grief a lot. It’s my reality. It doesn’t go away, it just becomes easier to manage. Sort of. Usually.

13606483_10154294763328609_2014442545744872516_n

Germany 2016, first trip without Kenneth.

20161230_162622.jpg

Kyoto, Japan. January 2017

The Japanese saying “shikata ga nai.” 仕方が無い   means “it can’t be helped.” I try to live my life with that resilience. It’s hard. Life is hard. But I think it’s supposed to be that way. Do you ever think about how amazing it is just to be alive?

IMG_20160513_134606 (1)

For the story behind my 1st tattoo, read this.

11 comments

Add Yours
  1. Lisa

    Read your article on the death of your husband and was so touched, impressed, moved.
    Having lost my mother at age 7 I understand your pain from a different view. I watched my father stagger and falter and then send us to relatives. With nothing of my mothers, nothing to hold on to.
    You are doing it right. Guiding your children to understand they have a choice-finding the good, the lesson, the strength -these and your love will lift them up when you can’t. Thank you

    • House of Teresa

      Thank you so much for your comment. I love to hear the child’s perspective. I constantly wonder what my children are really thinking. Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I realize this is worse for them. I still have my parents. I will never fully understand what this means to them.

  2. Mark

    Beautiful, brave article on Tiny Buddha. It touched me very much and I’m sure will have a similar effect on all kinds of people. Keep being you, you sound pretty amazing.

  3. Athina

    I came across your blog after reading the article in Tiny Buddha and read every bit of it. You are just brilliant. It is amazing how you decide to go on and it inspires me. I like your perspective. 4 months after my mother’s sudden death, I am nowhere like that, even though I’m your age with three young kids and a husband who’s still alive. I will keep coming back.

  4. Roshnee

    Dear Teresa,
    I also came across your article
    on Tiny Buddha. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your husband. I will continue to read your beautiful writing and wise words of wisdom. There is a blog I follow it’s called Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen. Her writing also speaks to the soul of those who are suffering through the loss of loved ones.
    Thank you again.

  5. Sruthi

    Hi Teresa,
    I lost my father less than a month ago. though I know in my heart that he’ll want me to move on and make him proud I am not able to control the tears when I remember the amount of hard work he put in so that I could have a good life. I didn’t get a chance to pay my gratitude the way I wanted and I feel it’s not fair to him and me. I know if I catch on to this “I have to make him proud” feeling I will achieve things in life but I doubt if I will ever be happy again for I was happy not when I achieved things but when I shared the news with him and watched him happy.
    Also thanks for your wonderful piece on tiny buddha. I read a number of self-help articles but this is the one that I come back to again and again to get myself back on track.

    • House of Teresa

      It’s a work in progress, let me tell you. I vacillate between feeling ready to conquer the world to garbage can (currently in the sludge right now). I also think of the regrets. But…knowing that none of the negative will amount to anything positive while I’m alive, I try to push forward the best I can while making space for the hurt in small doses.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s