I Am Responsible

On what would have been our 7th wedding anniversary, 16 days after he passed away unexpectedly, I got my first tattoo. I chose one of my husband’s favorite affirmations, “I am responsible,” in his handwriting.

I used to give him a hard time about those affirmations. I used to brag that I didn’t need to write those words down–that I lived them every day–and I would complain about the self-help stuff he’d listen to over and over again. If he could see those words permanently etched on my arm today, I don’t know what he would think. But seeing his handwriting, his words, gives me peace. It feels like a part of him.

When I was in Paris a few weeks ago, I was in the throes of my angst about missing him and having to live the life we planned without him. I wrote this.

I am responsible means…

I will raise great children who will become amazing adults.

I will publish many novels.

I will be healthy.

I will actively seek happiness.

I will give back to the world, especially to my community.

I will love and be loved.

I will seek to always learn and better myself.

I know the world is just my interpretation of things.

I will make a cozy home for my family.

I will be kind to myself and others.