On Being My Own Woman

Let me come right out and admit it. I’m an independent woman. What does that mean?

When I was in high school I decided I was a feminist and joined NOW. Several men, including my dad and a high school history teacher, made fun of it. You know, because if you are an empowered female you must be a lesbian *eye roll*.

I suppose I’m the type of feminist that feels strongly about preserving what’s female about me, while at the same time pushing for equality and opportunity, tearing down the chains of social construction that holds us back.

I don’t want to buy my daughter toy cleaning supplies like a vacuum cleaner, but I do feed into her love of shoes. We don’t buy gaudy plastic princess dresses but we do like to paint our toenails.

I like to look pretty and care a lot about my personal appearances. I like that my daughter also enjoys being pretty, but I don’t want her relegated to the limiting Disney stories of being a damsel in distress. I think The Little Mermaid is a stupid story for little girls and one of my daughter’s Christmas presents this year is this:


I can’t stand when men in inferior positions to me give me shit when I have to tell them what to do. I hate that women are perceived as “bitches” when they are in a place of power but men are just doing their job if they said the same exact things.

I’m pregnant with my third (and last) child, but that doesn’t mean I’m only defined by my motherhood. I consciously avoid being a mom blogger and focus on my own hobbies, while at the same time being a great mother to my children and making them a priority. I don’t feel like making them a priority includes making me not a priority. I feel like we’re all priorities in different ways.

I believe in natural birth with no drugs and women empowering themselves with knowledge to make informed educations for themselves and their children. I breastfeed and we’re a health-conscious family, but ultimately I believe in the power of education and allowing women to make their own decisions about their bodies and well-being.

I am not submissive to my husband. We both have the same careers and we try to share housework and child-rearing as 50/50 as possible, and for the record, he has dishwashing duty every night.

My goal was to live on my own before I got married and had kids. I did it, and it was amazing. Living on my own and being self-sufficient was one of the most empowering things I ever did for myself. Nowadays I’m not embarrassed to have my husband kill bugs for me or take out the trash. I do open my own doors though.

I traveled alone to other countries and had a great experience.

I believe in self-care, especially for mothers. That’s why I make no apologies about carving out time to write and do things for me.

I also believe in ordering my own Christmas presents and planning my own birthdays. I learned early on that if I wanted the vision in my head, I had to execute it myself. I love it and have never looked back. Every year I get exactly what I want 🙂

This year is pretty low-key. There isn’t much I want. I figure I’m at a good place in my life if I can’t think of anything big that I want or need, right?

Here is what I got myself this year:

1. Outlining Your Novel: Map Your Way to Success


2. The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help


3. Rivet Your Readers with Deep Point of View

rivet reader

4. Pink Rolodex Ribbon Pad Folio–Legal Size


5. Google Nexus Premium Wallet Case


6. Google Nexus Car Mount Dock


7. The Left Hand of Darkness

left hand of darkness

I can’t resist getting books for Christmas. The bonus was I ordered through Amazon Smile and designated our public libraries in my city as the charity of choice, so they made a little money off my Christmas shopping this year. Win-win for books.

I’ll make my husband wrap them for good measure and I can’t touch them until I open them up on Christmas. I can’t wait. Screw surprises and waiting to be swept off my feet…I make my own reality and gosh darn it I’m going to be so happy when I get to start reading and using these presents.

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