From the Mixed of Files of Mother of 3

This is not a “mom blog.” I decidedly chose not to be a Mommy Blogger. I just didn’t think there was a point to yet another frazzled mother in the world hiding behind the computer screen, trying to make their life as a mother seem gloriously beautiful. It’s fake. It’s overplayed. It just wasn’t for me.

I am a mother. That’s something I can’t hide from my identity nor would I want to. But my life isn’t only about being a mother. I care about my career, my writing, my health and physical appearance, my hobbies, learning and growing as a person. I don’t want to throw all of that away just because I’m a mother. I don’t want my children throwing away who they are when they become parents.

I subscribe to the idea that there can be balance between motherhood and my own goals. Sacrifices will have to be made by both of my identities and the lines will be blurred more often than not, but these two worlds can coexist.

Since I had #3, I’ve stayed home with my three little ones until the next school year. I’ve been feeling a little anxious that August is slowly creeping up on me and soon I’ll have to leave my littlest guy with a babysitter for the first time. Even though he’s my third, and it does get a little easier to go through these transitions each time, it’s still not easy. I want to hold him and feed him and change him and love him. I don’t look forward to the morning crush of making lunches and dropping off kids and then the afternoons of pick-up (three different locations for us this year–whoo hoo!).

Recently I went to visit my classroom for the first time since February. I was overwhelmed by how excited my students were to see me. They graduate this week and I’ll never see most of them again. They asked me to sign their yearbooks and told me about the colleges they are going to (when I left, they were still waiting for acceptance letters). It was amazing. One student eagerly shared that she’s going to Harvard and majoring in the same subject I teach because she liked my class. I felt a real sense of purpose. This isn’t just a job. I’m a professional making a difference in young lives. What I do has meaning and value and it’s important.

I guess I really needed to feel that right about now, just before I enter that transition stage again. Leaving behind a baby during the day and starting a pumping regiment isn’t fun. It sucks and it isn’t ideal. But that baby is going to grow up in a flash and go to school and instead of leaving me behind in an empty house, I still get to go to my classroom and do valuable work that I love and my kids get to see me making an important contribution to society and to myself.

I’m so happy with the choices I’ve made in life and the balance I’ve found. It’s not always easy, but then again nothing is supposed to be in life.

I am not defined by one aspect of my life. They are all important to me.

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